On Cleanliness

Really, they're just confused.

My sons, I mean. They're confused about laundry baskets and what goes in them.

To them laundry baskets are multi-purpose storage units meant to house notebooks, scissors, glasses, empty bowls, trash, and my personal favorite, clean laundry.

The other morning, as I was doing the weekly overhaul of their shared room, Liam told me I sucked the fun out of the room when I came in.

I told him he was sucking the fun out of my life. In my head. Because I love my children and they bring me ultimate and supreme joy.

I had just uncovered his comic book making station, complete with two reams of paper, two staplers, all of my best markers, a hefty collection of colored pencils and contraband PERMANENT MARKERS.( I will have to do a shakedown later to find out where the indelible felt-tipped weapons of doom came from.)

 

It all started because we needed to locate Liam's glasses.

The last time they were lost I found them in their laundry basket, miraculously, just as I was dumping the load in. Now that I'm recalling the moment, though, I may have actually washed them and found them when transferring the wet stuff to the dryer.

Anyhoo, in my quest to find the missing glasses I had to go in their room. It's not like I wanted to. It was one of those situations that must be dealt with, like paying taxes, dealing with insurance companies, and going to the grocery store.

There are things in my boys' room that I've learned to live with. Exoskeletons from crickets that made an escape from one of the two frog cages. Turtle shells, rocks, sticks shaped like guns, and various bugs in various stages of decomposition all reside within the four walls of their room. I even dealt with a  superworm farm in a set of plastic drawers.

I am that mom.

 

Honestly, I've even grown to find all of that stuff really, really fascinating.

Maybe at this point you're thinking to yourself, "What did you expect lady?" because, frankly, that's what I think every now and then. 

When I endeavored to allow my children to lead of life of curiosity I was saying no to a certain level of order, neatness, and elegance. Basically, Pottery Barn is not where we're living, or how we're living. I'm good with that.

What I'm looking for is a tiny of glimmer of cleanliness, a hope that my sons will enjoy walking across a floor barren of LEGOS, dirty socks, and empty beef jerky packages some day. Someday soon, please, Lord, please.

Hopefully I'm not hindering the creative juices of the next Dav Pilkey or David Attenborough but I  feel like having a somewhat clean room is just not asking too much.

After I'd gotten the majority swept up, tidied up, buried properly and sorted into the correct drawer or basket I ask my guys if they feel better. Yes, they do, they submit but are also exhausted and need to lay in their beds to digest everything that's just occurred over the last 25 minutes.

Closing my eyes I remember being in my room, my mother or father having just swept all of my mess/worldy possessions into one pile. I loved a tidy room but always started off confused. How did it get so messy? Who had been shoving all of those papers under my dresser?  Why were my parents doing this to me?

 

I turned into a pretty decent adult who enjoys living in relative cleanliness. I'll hold out hope for my boys.

 

I'm telling you, though. I never put clean clothes in my dirty laundry basket.

Never.

 

 

Be brave, misfits, and clean your rooms.

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Bedtime, Yes, and Coffee Grinders

The surplus of energy I felt at the start of our summer break came to an abrupt halt this week.

Or maybe it was last week. It's been a blur.

Bedtime routines were forgotten, I said yes to more things than I realized, and I suddenly hated grinding my own coffee. Those things may not seem related but they are. They really are.

Probably due to some moves (not nearly as many as some people I know) Liam had become reluctant to sleep in his own bed. We've always co-slept, the kid eventually moves to their own bed, it's not an issue. Generally speaking. Anyway, it's been a process to get Liam in his own bed but it finally happened.

Until last week.

Spencer had some friends stay the night and we asked Liam to sleep in our room to give them extra room. These teenage boys have all become huge in the recent months. Just last summer they all three piled into the spare queen bed we have. At some point in the winter I realized two things: 1. They don't sleep at all if they're all in the bed 2. They're giant men-type people.

Perhaps it was a mistake to bring Liam to our room, but we

are old and tired and just want our blessed sleep.

 

It's been a week and he's still sneaking back down to our room (see above sentence referring to 'old and tired' for more information). Sleep is vital to my life.

Which leads me to all the yeses. Doing things is fun for me. Doing things for others is even MORE fun for me. Remember I told you I was an Enneagram 2, aka 'The Helper'? Yeah, that's a real thing.

Once I started saying yes it's like a big snowball that turns into an avalanche and I'm the one buried under laundry, dirty mini-van, and papers that I'm not sure what to do with - but they all seem pretty important so I don't throw them away I just pile them on a corner of my desk and pray that the Adult Fairy will come and wave her pretty little wand over the whole mess and make it better make it stop just something!

See? See my problem?

That brings me to grinding my own coffee. For a few grocery store trips I bought coffee that wasn't ground. I didn't mean to do that because we didn't own a coffee grinder. Someone in my family suggested that I just take the coffee back to the store on my next trip and grind it. Truthfully, I'm scared to do that. What if someone accused me of bringing my own personal beans to the store to grind? Or if an over-diligent worker believed I hadn't paid for the coffee? I could see the headlines and the picture of me face down on the dirty tile floor, coffee beans scattered about, my arms pinned behind my black, and a clerk in a red vest with her knee in my shoulder blade.

These things could all happen.

So I bought a $12 grinder and found out that the maxim 'you get what you pay for' is totally true. My little monkey grinder eeked out about 4 tablespoons of grounds per grind. It just became so much work, you know? Suddenly my lack of sleep and my yeses and then this grinding situation just got the best of me.

I decided to give in to the existential crisis and consider the places I'd been going wrong. I figured out some stuff about career options for me. I had a couple of really good cries. I cleaned out the van. I had a few come-to-Jesus meetings with my people. I got the laundry caught up. I found some old coffee from Wal-greens in the back of the cabinet THAT WAS ALREADY GROUND! 

I helped one kid finish her FAFSA stuff, I ordered the key to the vehicle that unnamed person has lost, I budgeted, cooked a bunch of new recipes (two of which I liked), and I ate a lot of vegetables, and signed up for a webinar. Also, I had a good hair day in the midst of all of this. Yes, I did.

I adulted so, so hard.

It rained last night. The humidity broke up and it's a glorious 68 degrees and life is good.

But it was always good, wasn't it? 

Sometimes it takes some rain to see it.

 

[caption id="attachment_1636" align="aligncenter" width="609"] Photo Credit: v.bastos22 Flickr via Compfight cc[/caption]

 

Anyway, you know any issue with children stirs up my gut and this immigrant policy is no different. It's got me thinking a lot of things. Don't be scared - this isn't going to get political. I'll be transparent with you and tell you I'm a registered Democrat but find it difficult to be part of them because I am a pro-life woman, a demographic that does not seem very welcome in their ranks these days. I am bereft, politically speaking.

Who I am for is humans.

I think people are great, in spite of and because of their beliefs. I'm completely pro-human. It's because I'm in love with Jesus. He loves me, and us, and I cannot help but do the same. *I've edited this since I hit publish  this morning: I want to be clear that I don't have the answers. I'm trying to shuffle through the mess of politics and am just seeking to share what I've learned, what I'm trying to figure out, and see what you can add to education. 

So, anyway, I've been reading like crazy about this immigration thing. It's quite difficult to get to the bottom of things. Fortunately, I've got some really smart friends who send me helpful links. I want to share them with you here so that maybe we can figure things out together.

 

 



 

These are some articles that I found helpful in trying to decipher the situation:

• NPR report on ACLU findings about detained immigrant children


• This is NOT a new problem. An article from two years ago from fairus.org highlights some tragedies. There are new policies, yes, but the U.S. has an unfortunate history of not treating humans with dignity.


• From The Justice Conference


• A Facebook Live video from Welcome. 


• This piece from National Review on our responsibility as Christians

 

 It's all frightening,  but we cannot allow ourselves to remain ignorant. No matter how good it feels.

If you are compelled to sign such a thing, here is a letter asking the President to end the new child separation policy.

Sharing some of the above led to a civil discussion on my Facebook page about real help that Christians can offer for immigrants. A friend who fosters pointed out that there are many, many children in foster care who need our help, too. My family is not in a position where we can provide foster care right now but we can provide support to foster children and families. Reading articles like this one from NPR drives the point home.

Here are some tangible ways to do that:

• tutor children in foster care


• donate time, money, or food to foster families


• become a respite provider


• become a CASA 

There are many other ways, I'm sure. Here in Kentucky we have The Foster Care Council. If you're in another state please chime in within ways you may to help in your area.

If you're feeling fatigued after so much ugly, check out this article from Relevant. There are some great reminders for those of us who have a tendency to numb out when dealing with tough topics. 

 

Listen, I know this is hard stuff to wade through, but it's important. Let's not grow weary of doing good, brave ones.

 

Be brave, misfits, and love one another.

 

 

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How to Do Summer School

Summer used to really bum me out.

I think my expectations were too high. Plus, being hot and sticky isn't really fun, right? Is there anyone who enjoys that?

The biggest factor in my summer unhappiness was homeschooling.  I really wanted to be a year round homeschooler but I could only do that if we were homeschooling. There just wasn't any of that going on. I was tired, they were tired. I couldn't find the pencils let alone any workbooks we'd been plodding through.

Something about our summers needed to change.

Thinking back on my favorite summers as a kid brought back memories of bike rides, days at the lake, the luxury of reading an entire book in one day, and endless bologna sandwiches.

That's the summer I wanted to give to my kids.

 

[caption id="attachment_1623" align="aligncenter" width="533"] This was last summer. Capturing photos of Spencer these days is trickier.[/caption]

 

Sometimes us homeschooling people can get a little uptight about learning, you know? We get panicked that not enough education is going on. We begin force-feeding education, demanding that school isn't over until the last page of curriculum is done, and trying to turn every moment into a learning experience. I always know I'm moving into the frenetic stage when I'm the only one listening to my monologues.

Homeschoolers feel that we've got something to

prove to the non-homeschooling world.

 

But we don't. Our only obligation is to our family. The summer I decided to be intentional about having fun was the summer I saw what natural learning looks like. I wanted to carry that feeling over into our 'school' year as well. That would be a little bit of a longer journey - I can share more about that sometime.

[caption id="attachment_1624" align="aligncenter" width="564"] Playing in the creek.[/caption]

Year-round homeschooling is still our thing. Homeschooling has seasons, too, and summers are for relaxing. No one relaxes when they're being told all the things they're behind in.

What summer school looks around here varies. This year I asked each of the boys (the only two people I'm responsible for educating!) what they'd like to work on. Next, I shared what I'd like to work on with them. Here's what we came up with: spelling, reading, and math. 

We are picking projects. I'd like Spencer to learn about small engines, but he's reticent. I'm betting that if I bring home an old lawn mower and start taking it apart he'll join in. Liam is still at that magical age of curiosity. Insects really interest him, especially bees, so we'll be doing some projects around those things.

I'm also sneaking in some writing (thank you Brave Writer) and science and history. Turns out the boys like to listen to a couple of my favorite podcasts and audiobooks, and Liam's new favorite show is "Who Was?" on Netflix.

In other words, there is plenty of learning taking place.

Like most summers, I have had to remind myself to relax, to not get too wound up over what I'd like to accomplish over the summer.

Or what I didn't accomplish during the 'academic' year.

That's another big no-no if you want to keep it relaxed. Summer isn't the time to catch up. That's a mistake I made in the past. If you want to help a child acquire a new skill that's fine, but don't tell them they've got to get caught up. That is the surest way to help them feel like they're failing.

I speak from experience.

Summer school around here is weekly trips to the library. It's me keeping my mouth shut when Spencer is reading until midnight. It's Liam listening to an audiobook while he builds Legos. Summer school is us watching a movie together and having long talks about the animation, or our favorite characters. It's me swinging or bike riding or swimming with them while we swap remember-when stories.

Making a habit of our reading and spelling times can be difficult for me, but that's my problem and not theirs. If I set it up they're generally game, even with a few grumbles. It's especially fun if we're all in our bathing suits on the back porch.

 

[caption id="attachment_1625" align="aligncenter" width="547"] I know it's blurry but it's one of my favorites.[/caption]

 

So that's our summer school.

Meanwhile, we've got a three foot deep pool in the backyard and some snorkels from Wal-greens. We see friends in clusters - lots of days in a row. Then we'll go ten days with it just being us. It's all accidental and pretty perfect. There is complaining and whining and arguments over what movie to watch and who ate the last corn dog. 

Mostly, though, we're just having a great time loving the summer.

 

Be brave, misfits, and enjoy the summer no matter what!

 

After a long hiatus away from blogging it can be hard for me to kick back in. I do this in real life, too. If I don't return a phone call as promptly as I would prefer I tend to just want to dig in, bury my head and watch Star Trek: Enterprise.

Returning to some old-school blogging methods seemed the best way to break the ice with 25 things you may not know about me.

I'm also sending out the Brave Misfit newsletter this afternoon, where I share happenings around home, things that have been feeding my soul, and Big Thoughts that I'm pondering. Sign up if you haven't already!

 



 

In case you wondered...

 

~ I live in the house I grew up in, along with my husband, four children and parents.

~We have three dogs, one cat, two frogs, and a guinea pig. I love them all dearly except when I have to clean up after them. Like all relationships, it's complicated.

~ I have a port wine stain between my eyebrows that people sometimes mistake for an eyebrow waxing mishap.

~ I have a tattoo on my ankle. I got it was I was 18. See me for more details. ;)

~ Recently I rediscovered a love for camping and hiking. I may spend more time researching how to cook while camping than I care to admit.

~ I have an extreme fear of heights. I can overcome it enough to get on ladders and walk up see-through stairs but even watching roller coasters makes me a little nauseas. Seeing people on roofs makes my hands and feet tingle. It's a little ridiculous.

~ Reading has always been my hobby.

~ When I was in elementary school I wanted to be a stand-up comedian - Robin Williams was my hero. I'm certain my teachers did not appreciate my abilities back then.

~ Nail biting has been my vice since I was four. I haven't been chewing them recently...but I want to.

~ I met my husband when I was 19, we've been married 22.5 years. That seems impossible.

~ Remembering things is not my strong suit. I mean things like birthdays and anniversaries. I'm working on this. Also, gift-giving is not my forte.

~ Zombie movies are my thing.

~ Since my husband changed careers (left the ministry) I have a complicated relationship with church. I find I miss it and never want to go back all at once. It's this weird ball of resentment and gratitude and I am not sure what to do with it.

~ As the only non-dyslexic person in my nuclear family I am the orthography expert. Fortunately, spelling was one of the few things I was good at in school.

~ The year I turned 40 I felt I'd made it to adulthood. That was four years ago. Adulthood does not look the way I thought it would. In fact, nothing about my life looks the way I thought it would. I'm not disappointed anymore, I'm just grateful to be with the people I love.

 

~ I hate paying full price for stuff.

 

~ Making my people laugh is still one of my favorite things to do. I will never tire of seeing them howl over something I've done or said. 

~ I'm an ENFP and type 2 on the Enneagram. Disclaimer: I don't put all my faith in these kinds of tests. I believe we were each uniquely designed by God BUT I think it's helpful to read these kinds of things to help me understand my relationships with other people, especially my family.

~ Grilling is my favorite way to cook. Instant Pot is my second way to make food yummy.

~ Birdwatching is a hobby of mine. I used to keep binoculars in the car but the kids said it was embarrassing. Learning to identify birds by their call has become, perhaps, a mild obsession. I definitely think learning to identify birds is far more important than doing laundry.

~ In spite of those lovely personality types up there, I can be irritable and cantankerous to deal with when things don't go my way. If I get an idea in my head of how things should be I can be quite bitter if they don't turn out that way. This is rare these days...unless I don't have enough coffee and quiet time.

~ I'm quite cynical about politics. The end.

~ Jesus really is my best friend. I don't care if it sounds corny. I don't have all the answers and I suppose doubt will rise up now and again but his presence is extremely comforting and real in my life.

~ I got my nose pierced when I was 42. It didn't hurt but the healing took several months.

~ I make new friends everywhere I go. It drives the kids crazy.

~ Relationships are my favorite.

 

So, what's something I may not know about you?

 

Be brave, misfits! Tell me something I don't know.