Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't. This year I did.
Choose a word of the year, I mean.
The other years I've chosen a word I didn't write it down. This year I'm making my announcement publicly as a way of remembering when I need to refocus.
So, without further ado, my word is:
Embrace
January rolls around and a person cannot help but reflect on the previous twelve months and anticipate the next dozen moons.
Resolutions hold no appeal for me. The idea of committing to something for a entire year is defeating. For someone who enjoys spontaneity it feels like a set up to fail. Plus, I probably have commitment issues.
A word, though, is fluid. It take new meaning and develop a life of its own.
The past year has been a good one. We've established relationships, figured out some of our inner workings, and found a rhythm. Lexington feels like home.
Still, I feel I've been prone to ruminating. I'd like to move forward boldly into this new season of life; parenting adult children, aging parents, beginning a new career, and dealing with getting older myself. Reflecting on one's history certainly serves a purpose but after a time it becomes self-indulgent and stagnating.
Contemplating 2018, I realized there was often a kind of digging in of my heels. I went forward into whatever territory I found myself, but not quite willingly.
This year, I want to embrace whatever comes my way.
I also want to embrace the beauty of what has been mine.
It can be easy to think of what has been lost: careers, finances, mothering small children, my parents' health (which truly remains good, but they're not 40 anymore. I am. Oh crap.) The time has come to be grateful for all that has been mine.
The future is coming no matter how prepared I feel..
So I'm opting to be prepared for anything and open to any outcome.
I know that it won't always be easy to choose to embrace but I'm hopeful that it will become a habit.
Embracing life circumstances and relationship, I hope, will imbue me and my family with a sense of can-do attitudes.
An attitude, by the way, that previously had come quite naturally to me. Over time, and due to uncontrollable circumstances, some of our natural habits reshape into new habits. That's not necessarily bad, though in my case mini-disaster after mini-disaster led to an oh-crap-not-again kind of thinking.
After a move to a different state and a parsonage house, a living situation that isn't quite renting and isn't quite owning, I found myself embracing a major renovation to our new-to-us home. Literally two days after we moved in we were asked how we felt about a kitchen renovation.
Our kids were 8,6 and 2 years old at the time. I was living in an unknown city where I had not one friend. There were boxes everywhere, a garage filled with a boy scout troop's endless supplies,, and I needed to begin homeschooling.
So, of course I said yes!
Honestly, it felt exciting. Plus, the kitchen still had the original 1963 oven AND carpeting. An affirmative felt like the only right response.
And it was.
The men working on the house provided comfort to my lonely soul and became friends I looked forward to sharing coffee with. It forced a rhythm into our lives, and frankly forced me out of bed in spite of depression. Embracing the chaos of a renovation reminded me that I could do hard things.
Embracing that time in my life also reminded me of God's provision.
Really, we're always facing a renovation. Either we're gutting part of our physical home or part of our spiritual home. Renovation is the human condition.
Windmills or walls.
There is a Chinese proverb that says, "When the winds of change come, some people build walls while others build windmills."
While it is our instinct to build a wall and keep change from affecting us, it is simply not possible. So we may as well use the wind to our advantage and keep moving forward. Embrace what is coming no matter the outcome.
Please don't be hard on yourself if you're not ready for building. It takes time, truly, to adjust to each new season. As I've said, we've lived in our city for just four years and I believe that every day we've moved toward settling in. There were mistakes, there was lamenting the old life, and there was joy.
Now I see that we've been building windmills the whole time, using bricks from walls that we were taking apart.
So, do you choose a word? Please share in the comments here or on Facebook? There is no perfect time. It doesn't have to be done by January 1st (you know I do not subscribe to shoulds or have-to's). You can pick your word in July if that's what suits you!
Wherever you are in your journey remember that you're not alone.
Be brave, misfits, and build windmills.
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