How to Find Friends

So, I've shared that I've gone through lonely times. Sometimes I'm happy being in that place, but other times I need people. Everyone needs people.

Just how do you go about finding your people in the world?

Trial and error, man. Trial and error.


 

I look back on 2015 as our year of seclusion. We were adjusting to a lot of newness and I think we probably couldn't handle a lot of outsiders. We did try, though.

The library is a great place to spot fellow homeschool people. You just go during regular school hours and look for the kids and parents. I'd go up and introduce myself, tell another mom who was equally loaded down with science or history books that we were new to the area. I don't know what I was expecting but it wasn't the vague engagement and mumbled welcomes before they returned to what they were doing before. When I'm approached by people who are new to the area I give them my phone number and try to hook them up with like minded people.

I don't know if I was giving off a 'I'm desperate and will never leave you alone' vibe or what, but I was not making contact.

Some of it is that people are busy. They have their circle of friends. At my age I get that it's hard to add more to your already heavy load.

It was hard not to feel brushed aside, though.

If APPROACHING PEOPLE WITH AN OPEN HEART was Phase 1 of finding friends, Phase 2 was DO NOT ACCEPT WHERE YOU'RE AT also known as BE MAD AT THE WORLD.

I was mad that I didn't have people, mad that my kids didn't have people, mad that we hadn't found the perfect church, mad that things were not going according to plan.

I started glaring at people at the library for letting me down. I started writing mean letters to all the people who had let me down in the last 10-15 years (in my head).  I even began driving slightly more aggressively.  My anger colored the whole world different, made everyone else look angry, too.

Phase 2 wasn't pleasant.

I moved on, not suddenly but gradually,  to Phase 3, which was ACCEPT WHERE YOU'RE AT.

As my anger began to unravel I was able to see the people I was with a little more clearly.

We started playing board games regularly, hanging out at the fire with each other, and reading books together. I spent a lot of time in my kids' rooms, laying in their beds while we chatted or played video games. Sometimes I took naps in their beds. There is something really cool about being in your kids' room and looking at their stuff from their bed. From their perspective things were good and safe and that helped change my perspective.

I have to say, my kids are pretty cool, and their beds are really comfortable.

My husband and I caught up on some movies that we wanted to watch, spent a lot of time talking, and a little time hashing stuff out. We wrote a million cover letters and only semi-considered sending in resumes as surgeons a couple of times. I talked to my parents a lot, and fell in love with their BBC shows on Netflix (hello, Midsomer Murders).

I also accepted that my people, for that time, were working at Kroger and Walgreens. Both stores are really  close to my house and since we didn't have anything else to do (besides glare at other homeschoolers at the library) we frequented those stores daily, sometimes twice daily. It was so comforting to have people ask me how I was, how my kids were, and smile in recognition when they saw my face and I won't take that for granted again.

I know it's part of their job but they made me feel like part of something and that's a big deal.



Accepting where you're at breeds contentment and that's attractive, which makes people want to approach you. This leads to Phase 4, which is ACCEPT THE PEOPLE GOD PUTS IN YOUR LIFE AND LOVE THEM, which I'll write about tomorrow.

Have you ever found yourself in one of these phases? What helps you move through?