Something Different

Our house church  has taken to meeting at parks around the city. The kids have room to roam and their noise doesn't bother us, and we are all able to enjoy being outside together. Even in the summer the heat dies down enough in the evening that it's been pleasant.

[caption id="attachment_787" align="alignnone" width="500"] Photo Credit: .: mike | MKvip Beauty :. via Compfight cc[/caption]

Last night gave the first hint of fall headed our way. A few of the women were shivering in the breeze, and some of the little kids were snuggling together in a hammock. It's been dry here in central Kentucky and some of the leaves have just given up, turned brown, and fallen off their assigned branches. The crickets were noisy, as were the crows, and  the air had the smell of September.

The whole world seemed to be saying, "Change is coming."

Change is always happening, whether we are aware of it or not. The world, our lives, the universe, it's all in constant motion. We don't necessarily feel it, and we don't always embrace it.

Sometimes I want to stomp my foot and shout, "This is not how I planned it! This is not what was promised!"

I know that  I know the truth: God's design will be more suitable for me than mine; prayers that seem unanswered are because God has something better for us; I'm becoming something different than I thought. Yada, yada, yada. I get it, I really do.

Knowing the truth and feeling the truth are two different things for me, though.

That's a pretty constant battle in my life. My feelings are big, so very big, and often get in the way of what I know. Sometimes knowing something, even  with deep understanding, feels hollow.

That little nugget, though, that God has something better for me, and for you, (always) is so incredibly true.

I looked around my church family last night and let myself feel wonder that God has placed such spectacular humans in my life, in the life of my family. Because of them I'm able to remember friends that I miss, church families we had to say goodbye to, and not feel pain. Our lives have similarities and differences that allow us to mesh in a way that promotes growth. It is certainly better than I could have wanted for myself.

This church we have looks completely different than what I wanted for us two years ago, but it's exactly what we need. We sing hymns, share where God is moving in our lives, scripture that got us thinking, struggles we encounter, and the good God-given moments, too. We're still figuring things out and searching what God desires from our group.

It is so good.

This house church thing has gotten me out from the under the should and have-to's that can plague me. It's gotten me to ask questions and seek answers, to examine my heart and listen to God. It's gotten me to wonder about Jesus and seek him out. It's also allowed me to accept the changes God has brought into our lives with grace, if not understanding.

More than anything I am learning to embrace where I am at, learn to thrive in my present rather than lament the past or fret over the future. I am learning that my transformation is not always apparent to me because my life looks different to me than it does to God.

He doesn't see me in 24 hour increments.

No, He sees the whole me; the beginning and the end. He knows the what and it's my job to live the how. It's so 70's of me to say this, but it really is about the journey.

Nothing in your life is going to look the way you think it should. No matter how old you are you need to figure that out. Go ahead and dream, put the work in, there's nothing wrong with that, but be prepared to allow that dream to be edited because how you live will always be more important than what you want your life to look like from the outside.

Life is just going to look the way that it is.

Messy, beautiful, complicated, amazing, broken, full, and everything in between.

My version of simple living is obviously not the same as God's version of simple living.

Not much in my life looks the way I thought it would when I reached 40-something.

And that's okay.

It's not my job to worry about the what in my life.

I only have to work on the how of living.

What that looks like from the outside doesn't really matter.