Hello...again

Do you ever wonder where I go?

Or maybe you understand that life sometimes reaches up and pulls you under.

Consistency has never been my forte. I try and be very forthright about that. Years ago I told my friend Shanna to hang in there with when I dropped off the radar. I suppose I'm asking the same of you.

It isn't that I've had too much going on. That seems to be a perpetual issue in my life, yet I've certainly made time to watch two full seasons of Travelers on Netflix, read two books, and lose hours on Pinterest. It seems to be more that my brain is just too full and that I need to calm it down.

 

Often writing does that for me, but lately as my Instagram and Facebook show me more ads for how to increase my hustle, how to market my brand, and how to be more productive I found myself wondering, "Do I really want to add to this din?"

I can't take curated photos.

 

I do not have a farmhouse kitchen.

[caption id="attachment_1555" align="alignnone" width="613"] I do have cool llama socks though. I took them from Kiley.[/caption]

 

My version of hustle seems to involve a lot of naps.

Yet...

I also cannot seem to let go of blogging here.

I don't think it's that I think I'm the only person who can say what I have to say...but I can't shake the feeling that I have something to say, that I've been given something to say.

So I'll keep saying things. I hope you'll join in.

 

I'm not going to worry about hustle, though, or how many views or shares I have. I'll go back tow writing for an audience of One and figure the rest is all gravy.

 

Now that the business side is done, I'd love to give you a quick overview of what's been going on in this misfit head of mine.

 

I realized I had serious homeschool burnout.

I mean, go figure. I've been at it for 15 years, and my youngest is 8 so that leaves...eternity to finish. Also, all of our kids have dyslexia so that adds a whole other layer of issues. My oldest is in college, though, and the next kiddo graduates in May...so you'd think that it would have been easier this year. But no, it hasn't been. It hasn't been hard, either. It's just been blah.

I lost our rhythm. I lost my passion. I forgot what was fun about learning.

I think I've found it again, though, thanks to Julie Bogart at Brave Writer.

[caption id="attachment_1556" align="alignnone" width="649"] Taking a break at Bubble Tea.[/caption]

I realized that 14-year-old boys are WAY different from 14-year-old girls.

That probably had something to do with my feelings of burn out. Progress has been made and the yellow school bus was only threatened once. More on this later.

 

I realized I need a career.

I've had a lot of feelings over this revelation. I've also had a lot of sitting around and staring into space wondering how I got here. I must admit to feeling tinges of regret that I did not do something part time for all of my years of mothering -  writing, tutoring, anything - but will not allow myself to wallow.

Anymore. 

I am where I am and I can't start from any other place.

 

I realized I cannot make everyone happy.

At 44 you would think this would be a give-me, but it seems to something I have to revisit on a regular basis. I cannot be all things to all people. All I can do is my best. If the interior of my minivan is any indication my best is a little overworked.

 

I realized, again, that gratitude truly cures all that ails you.

Counting my blessings, seeing beauty in the mundane, recognizing God's presence everywhere - all of that, is like neosporin for my soul.

 

In all that I have had going on in my mind, body, and soul, I slipped into a woe-is-me attitude. Life is too short for a lot of that, though, and I forced myself to get lost in the wonder of this world.

My dog's velvet wet nose.

The smell of rain on its way.

Unexpected hugs.

Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. 

And mornings like this:

 



So here we are, preparing to go into March more like a lion than a lamb. It has rained nearly continuously  through the night, our sump pump keeping time like a too-loud metronome. I'm sad I didn't pooper scoop before it started but grateful the sun will come back out.

See how that works?

 

Be brave, misfits. Just be brave.